Parshas Naso
This year Parshas Naso is read prior to Shavuos, a rare occurrence.
In the last pasuk immediately preceding the laws of Sotah we are taught
that a person may choose for himself which kohen to give terumos to; the
kohen cannot forcibly take the terumos but rather I am to give it to him
or any other kohen of my choice (Rashi 5:10). One of the laws of Sotah is
that under certain circumstances a woman would be brought to the kohen for
determination of her marital status. Rashi further explains (5:12) that
the rule of being allowed to choose which kohen to give to is juxtaposed
to the laws of Sotah because if one withholds from giving the terumos to a
kohen - the person instead procrastinates or permanently keeps them
separate, uneaten and ungiven - then ultimately he will have to face the
kohen anyway by virtue of his wife having become a Sotah.
If someone has gone to the trouble of separating the terumos why wouldn't
he just go ahead and give it away to a kohen - what does he gain by
holding on to it? How and why would failure to give terumos lead to
marital difficulties?
The obvious answer is - control. Any fundraiser can attest to the fact
that procrastination can be a form of controlling people and events. By
deciding not to give the terumos even though they have been properly
separated a person is asserting his own agenda into the process and
showing that he will give when he wants to and on his own terms, not as a
result of HKBH's command. The most common issue in troubled marriages is
control, as each spouse seeks to assert his/her agenda on the
relationship. (It has been said that the best marriages grow past the need
for control and instead each spouse seeks to anticipate the needs of the
other; in a sense the spouses meld their interests and goals through the
marriage.) Therefore the same person who has trouble letting go of his
terumos will also likely have trouble in his relationship with his wife,
leading to the kohen.
There are other kinds of gifts to be given in which the owner has
absolutely no control over who the recipients will be. These gifts are
leket, shikcha and peah - basically the grain left over on the field in
the ordinary course of harvesting. For these the owner simply goes into
his house and the poor can then collect; the owner has no control over
the recipients. In Megilas Ruth (2:1,2) it is interesting that, even
though Na'ami had powerful connections and presumably could have arranged
for someone to provide for them, Ruth expressed her desire to collect
leket in the fields. Perhaps Ruth did not want to put someone in a
position of control over them by asking for help and instead opted for
the 'no-control' option of leket. If so, it is also be interesting that
this endeavor led her directly into her marriage with Boaz.
[This is based on shiurim of HoRav Yochanan Zweig, Shlita.]
Gal Einai, Copyright © 2006 by Gedalia Litke and Torah.org
