QUESTION: Are there any restrictions on physical contact [hugging,
kissing, touching affectionately] between relatives?
DISCUSSION: Although it is well-known and fully accepted that
between certain relatives is strictly forbidden, it is not so well-known
that physical contact between them is also forbidden. For the purpose of
our discussion, we have divided "relatives" into three separate groups.
Physical contact with members of group A is permitted; with members of
group B, strictly forbidden; and with members of group C, neither strictly
forbidden nor expressly permitted. Rather, in the words of the Rambam(1)
and the Shulchan Aruch(,2) it is "most deplorable, a prohibited (type of)
action, and an act of foolishness.(3)"
Let us now list (in no particular order) the various relatives(4) in
their respective groups:
Group A: Permitted
1. A sister under the age of 11.(5)
2. A daughter.(6)
3. A granddaughter.(7)
4. A mother.
5. A grandmother.
1. A brother under the age of 12.(8)
2. A son.
3. A grandson.
4. A father.
5. A grandfather.
Group B: Strictly Forbidden
1. An uncle's wife.
2. A niece(9) over the age of 3.(10)
3. A cousin over the age of 3.(11)
4. His wife's sister over the age of 3.
5. His daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.(12)
6. His brother's wife.
1. Her uncle over the age of 9.
2. A cousin over the age of 9.
3. Her husband's brother over the age of 9.
4. Her son-in-law and father-in law.
5. Her sister's husband.
Group C: Neither Forbidden nor Expressly Permitted
1. A sister over the age of 11.(13)
2. An aunt [his father's or mother's sister] over the age of 3.(14)
1. Her brother over the age of 12.
2. A nephew over the age of 9.
QUESTION: Must a baby-sitter be paid immediately upon completion of
job or can the payment be delayed?
DISCUSSION: In the verse quoted above, the Torah commands that a
who completes his work must be paid "on that day." This means that a
worker who finishes his job during the daytime must be paid by sunset of
that day. If the worker has not been paid in full by sunset, his employer
has transgressed a Biblical prohibition.(15) Similarly, a worker who
completes his job during the night must be paid in full before daybreak.
If the worker is hired for a full day [or night] or for a full week or
month, he must be paid by the morning [or evening] after his term of
employment is over.
These laws apply also to rental fees. When the rental period is
over, payment must be made by the end of that day [or night].(16) There is
a dispute among the Rishonim over whether these laws apply to property
rentals as well.(17) The Chafetz Chayim(18) rules that one who is late
with his house rent has transgressed this prohibition.
Payment for work contracted by the job is also included in this
commandment. Thus, when an item is taken in for repair or cleaning, etc.,
or if a plumber or an electrician comes into one's home for a specific
job, payment must be made "on the day" that the item is picked up(19) or
the job completed.(20) However, when contracting for a job in which the
raw materials belong to the worker [as in the case of a builder], these
laws do not apply. In this case, we view the relationship between them as
one of a buyer and a seller, not as one of an employee and his employer.
An employer cannot force his worker to accept compensation other
than cash.(22) Payment, therefore, must be in cash, or with a check that
can be easily and quickly cashed.(23)
Payment must be made on time to a minor as well.(24) Thus, when a
baby-sitter is hired, she must be paid before the day [or night] is over.
There are, however, several exceptions to the above rules. Thus:
* This prohibition applies only if the worker asks, either himself or
through a messenger,(25) to be paid. If the worker does not mind being
paid at a later date, it is permissible to defer payment.(26) If, however,
the worker would like to get paid but is too shy to ask outright, payment
must be made on time.(27)
* If the common practice in a given locality is to pay a laborer's wages
at the end of the month or at a time when accounts are calculated, then
the payment does not have to be made until then.(28)
It follows, therefore, that if a baby-sitter is hired on a one-time
basis, she must be paid "on that day." This is because she expects to be
paid immediately upon completion of her job. If, however, the baby-sitter
is hired on a steady basis, then there is no deadline for the time of
payment since many people do not pay their regular baby-sitter after each
* One is allowed to make a pre-condition with his worker that he will not
be paid on time(30). This condition must be made before the worker agrees
to do the job. Thus, even a one-time baby-sitter may be paid at a later
time if she was told of this condition before she agreed to take the job.
An employer who has no money(31) to pay his employee does not transgress
this prohibition.(32) If he has no money but is able to borrow, he must do
so. Not having the exact change on hand is no excuse to delay payment.(33)
The prohibition of delaying payment does not apply to a yeshiva or
other public institutions.(34)
1 Hilchos Isurei Biah 21:6 (loose translation).
2 E.H. 21:7.
3 According to the explanation of Igros Moshe Y.D. 2:137, the Rabbis have
deemed it "deplorable" and "foolish" because it may lead to physical
contact with other relatives with whom physical contact is strictly
forbidden, like the ones listed in group B. See also Otzar ha-Poskim 21:51
who quotes Batei Kehunah as saying that it is not a strong Rabbinic
prohibition like other Rabbinic prohibitions; it is merely a derech
4 We have limited this discussion to blood relatives. See The Weekly
Halachah Discussion, pg. 94, concerning adopted children and step-parents.
5 E.H. 21:7 and Beis Shmuel 9. The age of 11 is based on O.C. 73:4.
6 Igros Moshe E.H. 1:60 and E.H. 4:63 maintains that it is proper to be
stringent and not kiss a married daughter or granddaughter. Other poskim,
however, do not mention this stringency and this seems to be the
7 Chelkas Mechokek E.H. 21:10; Beis Shmuel 14 concerning a daughter's
daughter. Igros Moshe E.H. 1:60 rules that a ba'al nefesh should not hug
or kiss a son's daughter but there is no need to object to those who are
lenient. Aruch ha-Shulchan 21:10, Tzitz Eliezer 6:40-20 and Shearim
Metzuyanim b'Halachah 152:16, rule that there is no difference and both
are equally permissible. This is the prevailing custom.
8 E.H. 21:7 and Beis Shmuel 9. The age of 12 is based on O.C. 73:4.
9 Igros Moshe Y.D. 2:137.
10 Harav S.Z. Auerbach (quoted in Avnei Yashfei 2:89). See also Nishmas
Avraham 5, pg. 135, and Hebrew Notes, pg. 238-239.
11 See footnote 25.
12 Igros Moshe E.H. 4:63 rules that this is Biblically prohibited.
13 Rambam and Shulchan Aruch quoted in footnotes 16 and 17. The age of 11
is based on O.C. 73:4.
14 Rambam and Shulchan Aruch, ibid. classify an older sister together
with an aunt. Apparently, even a young aunt over 3 is included in this
15 Depending on the circumstances, there could be up to 6 different
commandments that are transgressed when payment is not made on time; see
C.M. 339:2 and Sma 4.
16 C.M. 339:1.
17 Pischei Teshuvah 339:1.
18 Ahavas Chesed 9:5. This is also the ruling of the Ketzos ha-Choshen
339:1. See Avnei Yashfe 2:118 who quotes Harav S.Y. Elyashiv as ruling
that the prohibition applies only to rent which is due for past rental,
not for rent which is paid ahead of time (pre-payment).
19 If the item is not being picked up, even though the repairman notified
the owner that it is ready, the owner does not have to pick up the item
and the payment rules do not apply; Beiur Halachah O.C. 242.
22 Shach C.M. 336:4. See also Pischei Teshuvah C.M. 336:1.
23 Harav M. Feinstein (written responsum published in Mili de-Nizakin,
pg. 122) in a locale where it is customary to pay by check. See Pischei
Choshen (Hilchos Sechirus 9 note 36) who questions a payment by check if
it is made after the bank's closing hours.
24 Ahavas Chesed 9:5. See Nesiv ha-Chesed 16 who takes to task those who
promise compensation to a minor and then do not pay him on time.