Rabbi Yisrael Rutman

In the year 2002, you don't have to hitch a ride with U.S. Special Forces to the last stand of Al Queida in Tora Bora to get a close-up view of terror at its worst. Just try tailgating or cutting someone off on the highways of the civilized West, and you could quickly find yourself on the wrong end of an outburst of what is known as "road rage." This grotesque genre of irrational violence has many times led to fatal results. What to do if it happens to you?

Drivers are advised not to be drawn into a quarrel with the enraged stranger coming toward them. Rather, you should remain in your own vehicle if possible and not engage him verbally or otherwise. One motor safety group recommends keeping a placard with you in the car with the word "Sorry" written on it in large letters. At the moment of danger, you are to hold it up contritely. It may sound ridiculous, but so many people have been killed and injured in these senseless confrontations, it might well be worth a try.

Although my biblical concordance shows no mention of road rage, it should be no surprise that Jewish tradition contains advice for how to cope with it. The problem of anger and violence did not begin with the modern freeway; it's been with us since the time Abel tried cutting off Cain in the fast lane to worshipping G-d.

And, as it turns out, the non-confrontational approach is very much in line with the Torah. As Solomon, the wisest of men, wrote, (Proverbs 15:1), "a soft reply turns away anger." The angry person is consumed with the inflated sense of the injustice that he feels has been done to him. If he finds that you are quietly in agreement, that indeed he has a point and that you are truly sorry about what you have done to him, he will be at a loss. All he wants is to prove his rightness, and so once it's been conceded to him, there's nothing left to fight over.

In Ethics of the Fathers (Chapter 1), Rabbi Gamliel declares, "All my days I have grown up among the wise, and I have found nothing better for the body than silence." In the definitive commentary, Rabbi Ovadiah of Bartenura interprets this statement in reference to the wisdom of receiving personal insult with equanimity. The late Rabbi Avigdor Miller added that one who does not allow himself to become agitated by personal insults will not suffer from ulcers and other conditions aggravated by stress and tension. Refraining from answering back against one's angry accuser, taking the curses in silence, may indeed be the best thing for the body; for keeping it alive in the path of somebody's road rage.

The idea of "turning the other cheek" is found in Christianity, but a similar expression (and no doubt the original source) is found in the Torah. As it says in The Book of Lamentations (3:30), "Let him offer his cheek to him who strikes him." Based on this verse, the great kabbalist, Rabbi Yitzchak Luria, (the Ari), declares that anyone who finds himself under physical or verbal assault may deter his assailant by submitting and accepting the blame as if he really is guilty, which will cause the assailant to be ashamed and desist. It is said that the advice has been tried and tested.

At first glance, this may seem to contradict the Talmudic dictum that "if someone wants to kill you, you should rise early in the morning to kill him first." But it's not a problem. Although Jewish law permits a person to defend himself, even to the extent of pre-emptive action, when no such option exists, he may, as a last resort, "offer him his cheek." It's pragmatism, not pacifism.

The story is told of how Rabbi Yaakov Yosef Herman once saved a Jewish youngster who had been set upon by a band of Arab thugs at the Western Wall in the years just prior to independence. Rabbi Herman was on his way to his daily prayer visit at the Wall when he came upon the scene. The fourteen-year-old was being beaten mercilessly and he thought they were going to kill him, when Rabbi Herman intervened.

The elderly rabbi ran over to them and proceeded to fiercely scold the Jewish boy, saying: "Why must you always be fighting? I am taking you home. You will receive your punishment." The Arabs were taken aback by this strange chastisement, and they let go of their victim. After ushering the boy away to safety, Rabbi Herman apologized for his harsh words, but explained that "I knew no other way to save you from their clutches. Had I defended you, they would, no doubt, have attacked me also."

His words echo the counsel of the Ari to submit and accept the blame rather than resist. It might have been just quick thinking on the rabbi's part; but, considering that Rabbi Herman was renowned not only for his piety but also for his vast Torah knowledge, it is quite possible, even probable, that he knew of the Ari's advice and was consciously acting on it.

But whether he did or not, doesn't really matter. Either way, it's good advice. Advice from the sages that could save your life.