Yom Kippur
Guilt is Good!
By Rabbi Label Lam
Guilt is good! Lingering guilt is not. Guilt is to the soul what pain is
to the body. Imagine what life would be without pain. Sounds delightful
for the pain-ridden individual but for the average healthy Joe it would
spell disaster. By the time we noticed what had gone wrong it would be too
late. Our limbs would be mangled and missing due to slight incidents of
clumsiness. We’d be leaning on the stove wondering why we smell something
burning only to discover the horrific truth moments too late. What a
benefit to have a hand that is reactive to a hot stove and learns to stay
away. Similarly in a world without guilt people will tend to do
unimaginably destructive deeds and then continue as if nothing had
happened.
So you see guilt is a good thing. It’s like the amber light on the dash
board that reads, “check-engine”. No one likes to see that signal because
it could be costly and it certainly is inconvenient, but it would be far
more expensive to learn the hard way when smoke is billowing from the
under the hood. So guilt is good, right?
Where did guilt get such a bad rep? I believe that there are many
situations when guilt is not beneficial. If one does not know clearly what
their true obligations are there is room to be manipulated and made to
feel arbitrarily guilty. There’s a task in psychology, like the game
of “hot potato” to figure out with sober Torah standards, “Who owns the
problem?” And in the business world, “Who owns the dept?” Once the doubt
is eliminated then all that remains is the dept. There is no need or
benefit to remain guilty longer than necessary. If one pays what’s due or
does what has to be done then there is no greater feeling of relief or
release.
A zealous young man was standing by the side of busy road in Israel
shouting, “Shabbos!” as cars raced by. (An editorial note: I don’t
believe this is the way to go about educating and I am not endorsing this
approach.) A car came to a screeching halt and a big tough guy stepped out
holding a tire iron in his hand.
He approached the fellow threateningly advising him to say his last
prayers because he’s about to meet his Maker. The young man asked him why
he was so violent and angry. The man growled back at him, “Because you’re
out here shouting ‘Shabbos’?!” The young fellow answered him softly, “You
didn’t stop your car because I shouted ‘Shabbos’!” Angrier than ever, the
tough fellow shouted, “Don’t tell me why I stopped my car!”
The young man tried again, “I can prove it to you! If I was out here on
Tuesday yelling, “Yom Shlishi!” would you have stopped your car?” “No!”
the fellow admitted. “I would just think you’re crazy.” The young man
concluded, “When I shouted “Shabbos” something inside you
shouted “Shabbos” That’s why you stopped your car!”
Guilt can be a great thing if it invites change, but unheeded it can turn
to rage and worse yet a deadening of emotions. Making mistakes is normal
and expected. I saw such a quote some place: “The successful person is not
the one who makes the least mistakes but the one who learns the most from
his mistakes.” On one refrigerator I saw the words, “Our definition of
failure is not falling down but staying down.” So too King Solomon, the
wisest of all men said, “The righteous one falls seven times and gets up.”
People fail all throughout life but the righteous way is to keep getting
up.
A friend trying to call me Erev Rosh HaShana years back misdialed. A lady
with a thick Russian accent answered the phone and not recognizing the
voice he asked sheepishly, “Is this the Lams?” She responded boldly, “I am
afraid you are a mistake!” He then correctly called our home and with a
whisper of the whimsical he related the dialogue. He told me that he
thought his parents loved and wanted him. Now he finds he is a mistake.
Together we outlined the crucial distinction between “making a mistake”
and “being a mistake”. On Yom Kippur we have a great chance to acknowledge
mistakes made and realize guilt is good!
Text Copyright © 2006 by Rabbi Label Lam and Torah.org.
