Torah.org Home Subscribe Services Support Us
 
Print Version

Email this article to a friend

Truthfulness With a Shadchan

QUESTION 57: TRUTHFULNESS WITH A SHADCHAN

How truthful must one be when talking to a shadchan (match-maker) - or anyone helping to find a shidduch (match) - about the age of a person? Is there a distinction here between what men and women can say? For example, if a woman says she's 33, won't people automatically assume she's a bit older, so isn't 'being honest' really giving the wrong information? If understating is allowed at times, at what point should the person being dated be told the truth? How about regarding information regarding yichus (family), or medical history?

RABBI BELSKY

There is a whole discussion devoted to this topic, in the second section of the Chafetz Chaim. How much information do we give? Sometimes we can't reveal everything, because doing so may risk invalidating the person immediately. People do assume that everything that's told to them is inflated. If you say a person is 31, the listener may think it most probably means 35. If you say they have this and this fault, the listener will think it's much worse than it is. Therefore, if you want to present the 'truth', you could subtract a little from the information.

Downplay everything, unless it's an alarming characteristic. Issues are typically exaggerated and inflated. Certainly if you make it into an issue they'll exaggerate and inflate it even more. Always remember, however, that the goal is to convey an honest picture.


NEXT WEEK'S QUESTION 58: RETURNING A BORROWED BOOK

If I borrow a book from someone, and both of us forget about it, is that a transgression? How much an obligation do I have to go through my bookshelves to find books that I borrowed, and return them? After a certain amount of time, let's say a year, can we assume the original owner has despaired of it, and that eliminates my need to return it? Can we assume that most people are fairly casual about this, or is it an area that people should be much more careful about?

Participate in the Honesty Forum, and discuss the issues we confront in this class!

Subscribe to Honesty and receive this class via e- mail.

Honesty Archives


Honesty, Copyright © 2002 by Rabbi Yisroel Belsky Shli"ta and Torah.org.


 

ARTICLES ON KI SEITZEI AND ELUL / ROSH HASHANAH:

View Complete List

After the Death Sentence
Rabbi Yaakov Menken - 5761

To Do The Impossible
Rabbi Label Lam - 5767

Shofar: Shock Treatment
Rabbi Osher Chaim Levene - 5767

Frumster - Orthodox Jewish Dating

Sound of the Unheard Shofar
Rabbi Eliyahu Hoffmann - 5764

The Essence of Jewish History
Rabbi Berel Wein - 5773

Parents Need To Speak To Their Children With A Unified Voice
Rabbi Yissocher Frand - 5765

> Perfect Bliss
Rabbi Naftali Reich - 5769

The Custom of Eating Symbolic Foods
Rabbi Yehudah Prero - 5755

Hide from Yourself
Shlomo Katz - 5760

Looking for a Chavrusah?

Thoughts for Pre-Rosh Hashanah
Rabbi Yissocher Frand - 5755

Say It with Chumros
Rabbi Yochanan Zweig - 5771

The Extended Family Called Society
Rabbi Berel Wein - 5766

ArtScroll

The Month of Elul: Customs
Rabbi Yehudah Prero - 5758

Teshuva 101
Rabbi Naphtali Hoff - 5774

Say It With Chumros
Rabbi Yochanan Zweig - 5774

Current Events and the Parsha
Rabbi Pinchas Winston - 5774



Project Genesis

Torah.org Home


Torah Portion

Jewish Law

Ethics

Texts

Learn the Basics

Seasons

Features

TORAHAUDIO

Ask The Rabbi

Knowledge Base




Help

About Us

Contact Us



Free Book on Geulah!




Torah.org Home
Torah.org HomeCapalon.com Copyright Information