Parshas Terumah

by Rabbi Shlomo Goldberg

Al Pi Darko - According to His Way

There are many things that can infuriate a person who observes the politicalprocess in the Middle East. To a Jew, the most difficult test is to sitquietly and see the pervasive double standard that is applied to Israel ascompared to the surrounding Arab countries. Aggressive actions undertakenby Palestinians are condoned and praised as expressions of an oppressedpeople. Legitimate security concerns of a small Jewish nation surrounded byArab enemies are considered occupationalist terrorist activities.

This application of double standards is not particular to the non-Jewishworld. It is applied perhaps even more frequently and vociferously bynon-religious Jews toward their religious brethren. I recall standing in along line at the old Central Bus Station in Jerusalem. There were the usualdozen or so people cutting in line from along the side of the bus, while therest of us line abiding citizens waited. One of those who chose theshorter, unofficial route to the door of the bus was wearing a black hat.The not yet religious women behind me noticed the attire of the perpetratorand loudly exclaimed with disgust, "Tistakel al hadati hazeh-look at thatreligious guy!" The eleven non-religious people cutting in line wereignored, while the sole religious (supposedly) perpetrator was singled-outand used to cast aspersions on all those of his ilk.

Most people feel that such double standards are unfair. I like them. Ilike them, because they show us, whether we like to admit it or not, thatIsrael, Jews, and in particular religious Jews, are mandated to follow ahigher standard. At Mt. Sinai we were chosen to be a "kingdom of priestsand a holy nation." We are innately separate from the rest of the world dueto our connection to HaShem and His Torah, and our behavior is supposed tobe commensurate with that elevated level. Often we forget our obligationsand we need forceful reminders to return to our mission. When the worldstops judging us according to a higher standard, when they expect no morefrom us than they do from themselves, then we will know that as a Jewishnation we are really in trouble.

That being said, we must realize that expressions of dissonance between ourreligious ideology and our daily behavior are perhaps the biggest impedimentto fulfilling our mission of serving as educators of humankind. The vastmajority of life-lessons that we will teach, either to the world or to ourchildren, are taught through example. As one teacher posted on a sign inthe back of her classroom where she could constantly see it, "Who you are isspeaking so loudly that I cannot hear what you are saying!" Merely talkinga good game will not serve to make us a light unto the nations, or ourfamilies.

For this reason, HaShem placed a visual image of the central role thatintegrity plays in the Jewish soul at the heart of the Holy of Holies in theTabernacle. The Torah explains in this week's sedra how the Holy Ark wasconstructed. It was made of wood and overlaid with gold on both its outsideand inside. The necessity for gold on the outside is easily understood.The box that would hold the Tablets of the Law and the Torah of MosheRabeinu, must be suitable for its holy contents. However it is not clearwhat the necessity was for the overlay of gold on the inside of the Ark, aplace that no one would see?

Our Sages explain that through the Ark, the Torah is describing the natureof all those who aspire to embody Torah. Just as the inside of the Ark wasmade equal to its outside, so must the inner nature and motivations of atalmid chochom, a learned scholar, be equal to his external actions. In thedirect language of our Sages, his "inside must be like his outside." Ifthis is not the case, then even though he may have the knowledge to be atalmid chochom, he is not deserving of the title.

The Talmud in the tractate of Berochos states that during the reign of RabanGamliel as president of the Jewish people, there was an interestingqualification for admission into his house of learning. Any scholar whose"inside was not like his outside" was not allowed to enter. It is not clearhow such a characteristic was determined since there was no SAT or GPA incharacter traits to use to evaluate it. But evidently there were "hypocrisypolice" stationed at the door to bounce any scholars who were guilty ofimpersonating a talmid chochom.

When Rav Elazar ben Azaria assumed the position of president, our Sagesrelate that he removed the guard from the door. On that day hundreds ofbenches were added to the house of learning. The rabbis explain, however,that even Rav Elazar ben Azaria would not allow a known hypocrite into thehouse of learning. He merely accepted a presumption of integrity untilproven guilty. In the days of Raban Gamliel one had to somehow prove hisintegrity first in order to be admitted. But both agreed that one whoprofesses to be that which he is not has no place in the house of learning.

The stamp of the Al-mighty is truth. "Moshe is truth and his Torah istruth." One, who is by nature not just a liar but a lie, has no placewithin the world of Torah. Any Torah wisdom placed upon such a person willonly be abused, to the ultimate detriment of Torah and HaShem.

From the above insights we can glean our "bottom-line" obligation in termsof educating our children. Although we all (hopefully) have a broad visionof what we want our children and students to be and a workable plan for howto get them there, we must first and foremost be sure that we do notcontradict and undermine our vision and goals. Just as the first rule inmedicine is not to harm the patient, the first rule in educationalleadership is not to harm our vision through our hypocrisy andinconsistencies.

The other day I needed a book that I knew a student had in his or her desk.I went to look for it and could barely see it amidst all of the clutter. Iwas quick to point out to this child that something needed to be done aboutorganizing that desk. I returned to my office and began looking for a pieceof paper I needed. It took me a long time to find it because it was buriedunder the piles of disorganized papers on my own desk!

As parents and teachers, we frequently succumb to inconsistencies in ourbehavior without contemplating their effect. We demand that homework andassignments be turned in on time and then we take days or weeks to returnthem. We yell at kids to be quiet. We spank children for hitting theirsiblings. We berate them for not being ready while we hurry to get dressed.We make false excuses for their behavior to the school. We tell ourchildren to tell the person at the door or on the phone that we aren't home.We talk during davening, etc, etc.

Kids have excellent radar. They can spot an inconsistency, a "do as I say,not as I do" attitude from miles away. And since no one is born looking tolead a controlled and disciplined life, we only need to provide them a fewinstances of hypocrisy to effectively undermine the rest of our efforts.

The Tana d'Bai Eliyahu states that "a parent should ask for mercy uponhimself and his children so that his children not see their parents speakingextra words." Education with integrity means the realization that childrenare watching everything we do as well as how we do it. Even a few words ofsenseless or meaningless talk can leave a negative lasting impression upon achild. Unfortunately, it can take years to remove such an impression onceit has been etched upon their hearts.

King Solomon wrote, that just as there is a furnace which purifies silver,and one that purifies gold, the essence of a man is "according to hispraise." Most rabbis understand his intention to be that if one wants totruly know the nature of another, he should listen to what others say in hispraise. The Rabbeinu Yona, however, explains the above verse to mean thatthe true nature of a man is found in what he truly chooses to praise. Forexample, one may claim to value Torah and those who learn it over all else.But our radar-equipped children can see on our faces if our real interest isthere, or with a famous politician, entertainer or sports figure who is intown or in the news. The words of the Rabbeinu Yona provide an excellentreality check as to whether we possess enough integrity to have gainedentrance into the house of learning of our ancestors.

Gold on the inside, gold on the outside, integrity, honesty andconsistency-these are the hallmarks of one who, like the Ark, embodiesTorah. The book, Path of the Just, by Rabbi Mishe Chaim Luzzatto, statesthat the definition of a chassid is one who is strict with himself, butlenient towards others. If we cannot live up to the very same standardsthat we are setting for our children and students, then we cannot blame themif they decide to not take us seriously.

We can easily recognize the danger to our country when its leaders proposethat one can tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and intend topurposely mislead at the same time. The real question is whether we can seeour own rationalizations, hypocrisies and double standards in our dealingswith those whom we love and lead.

Our goal should be to appreciate the double standard with which we arejudged; to know that the world, our fellows Jews, and our families expectmore from us. Then we can try with all of our might to teach by example andlive up to their expectations.

Parsha-Parenting, Copyright (c) 1999 by Rabbi Shlomo Goldberg andProject Genesis, Inc. Rabbi Goldberg is the menahel (spiritual advisor) ofYeshivas Ohr Eliyahu, and a highly acclaimed and popular speaker inLos Angeles.