by Rabbi Shlomo Goldberg

Al Pi Darko - According to His Way
Insights into Chinuch from the Weekly Sedra

American culture has long idolized the "self-made man." The bold entrepreneur who ignored everyone's advice, set out on his own, preferably with little formal education, and built his own empire with no more than his wits and a fierce determination to succeed behind him, is the true all-American icon. Unfortunately, for religious Jews who find themselves living in the American milieu, the entrepreneurial spirit, while acceptable in business, is diametrically opposed to the world of Torah. The man much lauded in the Wall Street Journal for being "self-made" is the one to be avoided in the learning halls of the Bais Medrash. Although our sages taught that "there is no Bais Medrash without chiddush (true novel insight into Torah)," that chiddush comes only after a lengthy internship, wherein the student learns to humble his own beliefs before those of his teacher, of the Torah, and of the Al-mighty.

The events that took place 3500 years ago at Mt. Sinai are the paradigm for all Torah study throughout the generations. We term our contribution to the day the Torah was given to the Jewish people as kabalas haTorah, the receiving of the Torah. It is true that HaShem gave it, but our part was to make ourselves into the appropriate receptacles into which the Torah could be delivered. The Malbim, at the beginning of his commentary to the Book of Proverbs, defines chochma (wisdom), specifically as the knowledge that one receives from his teacher. The first of the forty-eight character traits delineated by our sages as prerequisites for Torah study is "b'Talmud," to learn (Pirke Avos 6,6). The commentators explain that this first learning again refers to learning from a Rebbe. In fact, the Rambam explains that the reason Reb Yehuda HaNasi left certain words, lines, and sentences out of the Mishna was so that one who wanted to study solely on his own would eventually find a passage incomprehensible. He would then be forced to ask a teacher to advise him, thereby entering the true world of Torah study. It seems that the character trait of subservience was seen as so crucial to Torah study, that of the forty-eight traits mentioned above, over one-third involve developing aspects of the trait of humility.

At the beginning of this week's sedra, Yehuda approached and appealed to Yosef to rescind the latter's pronouncement that Benyamin would become his personal slave. The great spiritual leader of Sokotchov, the Shem Mi'Shmuel, uses this notion of subservience to explain an enigmatic statement of our sages, and thereby Yosef's perplexing behavior towards his brothers in this week's sedra. The Zohar quotes a verse from Proverbs: "Counsel is as deep water in the heart of a man, and a person of understanding will draw from it." The Zohar states that the "deep water in the heart of a man" refers to Yehuda, while the "man of understanding" who reached and drew out that water, was Yosef. The Shem Mi'Shmuel finds the explanation of the Zohar perplexing, for it seems that it was Yosef who was possessed of the deep secret that needed to be drawn out, and it was Yehuda's unyielding personal appeals to Yosef that eventually drew the admission of his true identity from him. In fact, this is exactly how the midrash explains the verse, with Yosef as the deep water and Yehuda as the one drawing out from him. What, then, is the explanation of the approach of the Zohar to this dynamic exchange between Yehuda and Yosef?

Although Yehuda was destined to give rise to the kings of Israel, Yosef was the great tzaddik. The Shem Mi'Shmuel, based on the concept of tzaddik yesod olam, the tzaddik is the foundation of the world, understands Yosef's role to be the great mashpia, the earthly foundation for divine influence upon his family. Yehuda would rule, but in order to do so effectively, he and his brothers had to accept the dominion and direction of Yosef, the tzaddik. The Shem Mi'Shmuel adds, "it is impossible to receive from another unless one humbles oneself before him." Therefore Yosef had to contrive the convoluted set of circumstances of imprisoning first Shimon and then Benyamin, until he forced Yehuda as the representative of the brothers to offer himself as a slave to Yosef, the ultimate sign of subservience. (Ironically, this trait of humility was hidden specifically within Yehuda, the king. When he was born, Leah called him Yehuda, stating, "this time I will thank, odeh, HaShem." Rav Hutner, ztz"l, explains that the Hebrew word for thanks, todah, also connotes admission. One who gives thanks is admitting that he needed the kindness of his friend, often a hard thing to do. For this reason two of the most difficult skills to teach to children are to pray and to say thank you, because no one likes to admit that they are needy. Therefore, as we saw in the circumstances that surrounded Tamar, Yehuda was the one who could be modeh, admit the truth about her righteousness and his own personal error. Since the Rambam in Hilchos Melachim describes the job description of the king as being "a slave to his subjects," it is crucial that the king have within him the trait of humility.) Only when Yosef was able to draw this subservience from deep within the "pool" of Yehuda's traits, was he secure in the notion that the brothers would accept him as the mashpia (influencer), and he could therefore reveal his true identity.

The analysis of the Shem Mi'Shmuel provides us with an important principle in education. If we desire that our children and students receive from us that which we hope to teach them, they must be willing to humble themselves and accept our superior knowledge. In the present world which our sages long ago correctly predicted would be one in which chutzpah is rampant, this is a tall order. The secret to achieving it is provided by the Chovos Halevovos in the Gate of Humility. There the author states that there is a type of humility that is derived from the feeling that someone else possesses something that I need. For example, a poor person humbles himself before the wealthy man because he needs charity, a worker does the same because he needs a job, and a student humbles himself because he needs his teacher's wisdom. Thus, the key to creating the subservient relationship in which Torah can be truly transmitted, lies in creating a feeling within the student that Torah is something that he needs, and that the teacher is the one who can satisfy this desire.

The above reality demands certain educational accommodations. Rav Hutner, ztz"l explains that like eyes respond to light waves, and ears to sound waves, the brain responds to pleasure waves. For this reason, the Talmud states that a person can only learn that which his heart desires. Similarly, Torah study is the only mitzva that we ask HaShem to "please make sweet in our mouths," because if Torah doesn't taste good then the brain will not process it. Although the ultimate goal is to learn Torah for its own sake, on the path to that goal, teachers must strive to properly season the taste of their Torah so students will want to learn. This involves "breaking the idols" of the illusory pleasures afforded by the secular world by showing their ultimate foolishness and meaninglessness. (The difference in the observances our New Year and the world's New Year is a good example.) It means showing students the immediate relevance of Torah to their lives. It means encouraging them to think, itself a pleasurable activity. And, as in the Hagadah, education is best when done as a response to a question, thus supplying the educational need of the questioner. In general, it means considering how to motivate the students to feel that the lesson contains vital information that they both need and want.

In the home, it means that if we want to convey to children that "we do not do that kind of thing around here," then "around here" had better be a place that our children want to be. This means creating a home environment that is secure, warm, loving, and happy. In reality, it is impossible to teach anyone anything. We can only serve as a resource, role model, and inspiration, and by so doing hope that others will see the need, and avail themselves of what we have to offer.

Shlomo HaMelech called the Torah "a good product," and indeed it is. But even the best product these days needs good marketing. By conveying the value of Torah and Torah living, we can create the feeling of a humble desire to learn in our students and children, which is the prerequisite for the transmission of our tradition.

Parsha-Parenting, Copyright (c) 1999 by Rabbi Shlomo Goldberg and Project Genesis, Inc. Rabbi Goldberg is the menahel (spiritual advisor) of Yeshivas Ohr Eliyahu, and a highly acclaimed and popular speaker in Los Angeles.