Rabbi Frand on Parshas Vayeitzei
These divrei Torah were adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissocher
Frand's Commuter Chavrusah Tapes on the weekly portion: Tape # 216, Maariv.
Good Shabbos!
Leah Was Commended For Recognizing "I Have Received More Than I Deserve"
Upon the birth of her fourth son, Yehudah, Leah said, "This time I will
thank Hashem" [Bereshis 29:35]. Rashi quotes the Rabbinic explanation that
she expressed special gratitude because she had now given birth to more
than her share of Tribes. "Now that I have received more than my portion,
it's time to express my gratitude to G-d".
What is the meaning of the statement that Leah received more than her
share? Our Rabbis explain that Leah made a simple mathematical
calculation. She divided twelve future tribes by 4 wives, and arrived at
the result of 3 tribes per wife. Now that she had her fourth son, she
offered praise to G-d. The Rabbis praise Leah for her recognition that she
owed a debt of gratitude to the Almighty.
Although Leah's recognition that she owed a debt of gratitude is certainly
praiseworthy, this teaching of our Rabbis doesn't seem to make sense. Who
deserves more praise -- the person who receives his or her proper share
and feels indebted to G-d, or the person who receives more than his or her
fair share and feels indebted to G-d? Obviously, the first person is more
deserving of praise.
I saw a very interesting observation from Rav Dovid Kviat (Maggid Shiur in
the Mir Yeshiva, New York): The praiseworthy aspect of Leah's behavior
here was that she viewed what she received as "more than her fair share".
It is the nature of human beings to view that which they receive in life
as something that they had coming to them. "This is what I deserve." If my
friend is earning $30,000 a year and I am earning half a million dollars a
year, it may not be so easy to recognize my great fortune. It is easy to
think "I'm smarter than him, I'm more clever than him, I earned this on my
own -- it was coming to me!"
The novelty of Leah's comment is that we see that a person has the ability
to step back, look at a situation objectively and come to the conclusion
that "I am getting more than I deserve". This is not our normal tendency.
The normal tendency is to view life as either "I am getting less than I
deserve" or "I am getting my fair share."
The rare person, who lives their life with the attitude that "I have
gotten more than I deserve," is indeed a praiseworthy person.
Convince, Cajole, And Persuade Your Family, But Do Not Impose
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Towards the end of the parsha, the Torah tells us that "Yaakov saw the
face of Lavan, and it was not like it was yesterday and the day before"
[31:2]. Yaakov saw the way in which Lavan was treating him and recognized
that things were not the same. G-d appeared to Yaakov and told him that it
is time to pick up his family and return to the land of his fathers
[31:3].
Yaakov then called his family out into the field and began an extensive
monologue with his wives explaining why it was important for them to
leave. After the long list of explanations of why they should go, the
wives agreed that they should leave.
But the question must be asked: If G-d appeared to any one of us and told
us "It is time to leave your city," "it is time to change your job," or
whatever -- we would gather our families, tell them of our message from
G-d, and act upon it. We would not start a whole series of explanations:
"Things are not the way they used to be, times are tough, we have to think
about making changes." G-d gave us an order? That settles it.
The Shaloh HaKodesh provides an interesting insight. "When a person wants
something from his family -- spouse or children -- it is not proper to
compel them to do it, even if he has the ability to force them." In other
words, even if one has the means to dictate in absolute terms that "this
is the way it is going to be," the Shaloh says this is not the way to run
a household.
"Rather, a person should try to convince them of the logic of what he
wants in order that they be motivated to come to the same conclusion
themselves. This is far better than compelling them to do something
against their will."
This means that a person can feel very strongly about a certain household
decision. He may have no doubt in his mind at all. And, he can be capable
of enforcing that decision. "This is the way it's going to be." The Shaloh
teaches us: Do not do it that way. Convince, cajole, persuade, but do not
impose.
The proof, says the Shaloh, is Yaakov's lengthy discussion with his wives.
Yaakov justified the need to leave Lavan (despite the fact that this was
also G-d's command) -- in order that they agree willingly with this plan
of action.
If there was ever a justifiable case to compel one's family to do
something, it would be right here in this situation. G-d said that it was
time to leave. Did anything more need to be said? Is there any room for
discussion? Why does Yaakov need to give a whole speech?
If in this situation Yaakov felt compelled to gently persuade his wives,
what can we say? Is there ever a situation where we can feel as certain as
Yaakov must have felt?
If it is good enough for our patriarch, Yaakov, it is good enough for us.
Sources and Personalities
Shalo"h -- Acronym for Shnei Luchos Habris, by Rav Yeshayah Hurwitz
(1560-1630); Poland, Frankfurt, Prague, Jerusalem.
This write-up was adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissocher
Frand's Commuter Chavrusah Torah Tape series on the weekly Torah portion.
The complete list of halachic topics covered in this series for Parshas
Vayeitzei are provided below:
Also Available: Mesorah / Artscroll has published a collection
of Rabbi Frand's essays. The book is entitled:
and is available through your local Hebrew book store or from
Project Genesis, 1-410-654-1799.
