Parshas Behaaloscha
We Don't Even Understand Our Own Motives Without Wise Counsel From Others
These divrei Torah were adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi
Yissocher Frand's Commuter Chavrusah Tapes on the weekly portion: Tape #
772 - Shabbos - Is There Such a Thing? Good Shabbos!
Parshas Beha'aloscha contains the Misonenim [the complainers] [Chapter 11].
The Jews wanted to eat meat. They remembered all the good delicacies they
ate in Egypt and bemoaned the fact that they were lacking those same foods
in the Wilderness. "All we have is this mann". This is another example of
"The more things change, the more they stay the same." Jews are always
complaining about the food! They longed for the onions and the garlic they
ate in Egypt. The pasuk teaches [Bamidbar 11:10] that Moshe heard the people
crying to each other (bochim l'mishpachosem) at the opening of his tent.
Rashi explains that the expression "bochim l'mishpachosem" means that the
people would gather in family groups out in the open to publicize their
complaints to one another. It was like a family picnic, but instead it was a
family "cry-in". Everyone sat on their stoop or sat on their doorstep and
publicly complained about the food situation in the wilderness. Rashi
further cites the teaching of the Rabbis that the crying was "concerning the
families" – namely they complained about the forbidden sexual relationships
that the Torah legislated for the Jewish nation.
According to this Rabbinic tradition, the main complaint was not about
onions. This event happened not long after the receipt of the Torah. The
Torah prohibited many women from marriage -- the relationships known as the
"Arayos" prohibitions. This is what they were crying about. They said
"onions" but they meant "Arayos". Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky asks a simple
question: How can we put words into their mouths? The pasuk says they
complained about the onions and the cucumbers. Why do the Rabbis interpret
this to be something totally different than the simple reading of Scripture
(p'shuto shel Mikra)?
In his Sefer, Emes L'Yaakov, Rabbi Kaminetsky points out similar phenomenon
many times in Chumash where Chazal put a far more sinister interpretation on
what would otherwise seem to be innocent comments. Another example is in
next week's parsha where Moshe charges the Spies to gather intelligence
about the nations of Canaan? When the Spies come back and report that the
people are "stronger than we are" the Zohar (which is quoted by many of the
commentaries as well) claims that the Spies had an agenda. They were afraid
that when they to go into the Land of Israel they would lose their positions
of leadership and honor in the nation. Therefore, they subconsciously
sabotaged the plans to take the nation into Eretz Yisrael so that they would
not lose their grip on power. Here too, Rav Yaakov asks: How do Chazal know
this?
Again, in describing Lot's decision to settle in Sodom following his breakup
with Avram, a simple reading of the pasukim would indicate that the decision
was made on the very practical grounds that Lot was a shepherd and that the
land surrounding Sodom was fertile and bountiful. Here too Chazal attribute
sinister motives to Lot: He specifically picked the area because of its
reputation for lewdness and immorality. Sodom was "Sin City" of its time and
according to the Rabbis (without any apparent support from the Biblical
text), that is why Lot went to Sodom. The same question can be asked here.
Why can't we take Lot's statement at its face value? Simply say that he
wanted to go to Sodom because the land was fertile?
Rav Yaakov answers: Chazal do this because they descend to the depths of
man's psyche. They are telling us something very profound about human
nature. Everyone has subconscious feelings and forces and desires that
perhaps even the person himself is not completely aware of. Something goes
on inside a person that is more than meets the eye. Chazal, either through
ruach haKodesh or through their sensitive intuition of how human beings
function, know that something deeper is going on. When people gather on
their front doorsteps and cry out loud so that everyone will hear, they are
not just crying about onions! People do not cry about onions. They are
crying about something else.
Likewise, there were other lush places in Eretz Yisrael. When Lot
specifically picked Sodom – why did he do it? It is because whether he
realized it or not there were subconscious motivations occurring within him.
This happens in each and every person. A person must always introspect and
check his motives.
When people go to psychologists or psychiatrists and tell them their
problems, if the professional is keen and he understands human nature, he
recognizes that what the person is saying is NOT what he really means. These
are the words he is saying, but there is something else that is really going
on in his mind. A wise individual or a highly trained professional will be
able to detect what is really happening deep within a person's mind.
That is why Chazal repeat this approach over and over in their explanation
of the Chumash narrative. How do they know that? They know it because they
know and understand people. They are trying to tell us that this happens to
each and every one of us. We each have hidden agendas and subconscious
motives. We have what is called 'negius' [personal bias]. We do not really
know or understand ourselves fully because we are so subjective about
decisions that affect us.
How can we protect ourselves from these blind spots? As we have said at
other times, the counsel we must follow is that of the Mishna in Avos [1:6]:
Make for yourself a Rav [mentor] and acquire for yourself a Chaver [close
friend]. We need to have our actions and our motives reviewed by our peers
or by our teachers who can "tell it to us like it is!" Without such advice
and guidance, we cannot function.
A person who says "I know I am 'nogeah' [biased], but..." will conclude that
sentence by making a statement that he should totally ignore. If one is
'nogeah' he is disqualified from ruling about the matter – period! So who
will pasken for him? That is why it is so crucial that everyone have a Rav
or a Rebbe or an older advisor and counselor to give him guidance in those
matters about himself for which he is disqualified from ruling. That is why
Pirkei Avos advises to be "koneh" [literally purchase] a chaver). One needs
to make that investment, whatever it takes, to ensure the ability to have
honest peer-review of his actions.
Today, relationships are superficial. A 'chaver' is not just someone you say
hello to or occasionally schmooze with. A 'chaver' is someone you can open
up to and trust. It is someone you can tell things 'as they are' about
yourself and he can return the favor for you. Everybody needs that. The
reason Chazal spend so much time pointing this out throughout the Chumash is
because they are trying to bang this idea into our heads: You cannot trust
yourself."
Having a Rebbe and having a Chaver is one of the most precious commodities
in life. This is why the Mishna which advises "Make yourself a Rav and
acquire for yourself a Chaver" concludes with the words "and judge every man
with the benefit of the doubt (l'kaf zechus). Invariably in life, one's Rav
or his Chaver will disappoint him. We will be upset with him for not coming
to a Simcha or not devoting as much time to us as we expected of him. It is
easy to be dismissive under such circumstances: "That is not a Rav; that is
not a friend." The Mishna exhorts us "Hevey dan es kal ha'Adam l'kaf zechus"
– cut the person some slack; give him the benefit of the doubt! Do not walk
away from relationships like that for such petty reasons. Such relations are
just too important to abandon so lightly! Even if it means bending over
backwards and coming up with crazy explanations for him – do it. It is worth
preserving the relationship of a Rav or a Chaver.
The True Test of a Jewish Leader
Moshe complains to the Almighty: "Did I conceive this entire people or did I
give birth to it, that You say to me, 'Carry them in your bosom, as a nurse
carries a suckling, to the Land that You sword to its forefathers?'"
[Bamidbar 11:12]. Rashi says: This is the job of a leader. "Lead them with
the understanding that they may even stone you and insult you." The Gemara
says [Sanhedrin 8a] "A judge must bear the (aggravation from) the community"
and quotes as a proof the text of our pasuk in Behaloscha "...as the
nursemaid bears the suckling baby." A community leader must sometimes look
at his flock like little babies. Babies can be so bad one minute and the
next minute they can be fine. How can one lose his temper with a one year
old? The infant does not know what he is doing. One cannot spank a one year
old child! This, the Torah tells the leaders, is how they have to look at
the Jewish people. They are like babies who cannot control themselves.
Yirmiyahu is probably the most tragic prophet who ever lived. For years, he
told the people that the end was near, that the Beis HaMikdash was going to
be destroyed, that they should do Teshuvah. They did not listen to him. They
abused him. They threw him in jail, in a pit of mud. He starved. After all
they did to him, it turned out that he was right -- the destruction came.
After the destruction, the people came to him and asked him to inquire on
their behalf of the Almighty whether they should stay in Eretz Yisrael or go
to Egypt. They told him they would listen to whatever the L-rd told them.
Yirmiyahu asked their question and the answer he was given was that they
should stay in the Land of Israel and the Almighty would protect them there.
Upon hearing this answer (which was not the answer they wanted to hear), the
people accused the prophet of lying once again.
Despite this chutzpah of the people, despite the years of frustration with
their abuse, when the people ignored his message and left Eretz Yisrael for
Egypt and invited him to follow them – Yirmiyahu followed them to Egypt! As
the Medrash states – "If there is no vineyard, why do you need a fence?; If
there are no flocks, why do you need a shepherd?"
Yirmiyahu said, "How can I not go with them? They are a flock and I am their
shepherd." How would you and I react to such treatment? "You want me to go
to Egypt with you? – I'll tell you where you can go! Enough is enough!" But
Yirmiyahu goes, because Yirmiyahu was a leader and a leader understands the
secret of "like a nursemaid bears the child". He understands that they are a
bunch of babies and they have to be dealt with by utilizing the same
infinite patience one has when dealing with babies. This is the true test of
a Manhig Yisrael.
This week's write-up is adapted from the hashkafa portion of Rabbi Yissocher
Frand's Commuter Chavrusah Torah Tapes on the weekly Torah portion. The
complete list of halachic portions for this parsha from the Commuter
Chavrusah Series are:
015 - Reinstituting the S'micha
060 - Waiting Between Meat and Milk: Adults and Children
104 - The Seven-Branched Menorah
149 - Bringing the Sefer Torah to a Temporary Minyan
196 - Vegetarianism
242 - Military Service and Potential Halachic Problems
286 - When Do We Stand in Honor Of a Sefer Torah?
332 - Tefilas Tashlumin: Making Up a Missed Davening
376 - Davening For A Choleh
420 - Fish and Meat
464 - Honoring Levi'im
508 - The City of Yericho
552 - Kavod Sefer Torah Vs Kavod Talmid Chochom
596 - Sitting on Top of Seforim
640 - Lox and Cream Cheese
684 - Kissing A Sister
728 - Lechem Mishna Revisited
772 - Simchas Shabbos - Is There Such a Thing?
816 - Niduy - Excommunication
860 - Standing For A Sefer Torah On Simchas Torah
904 - Women and Birchas HaGomel
948 - The Ba’al Shacharis Who Forgot Maariv
991 - The Shabbos Bar Mitzva in the Good 'Ole Summertime
1035 - Davening that the Suffering Patient Should Die – Permitted or Not?
1079 - Does A Grandfather Have To Pay For His Grandson’s Tuition?
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