Parshas Vaeschanan
The Jealousy Antidote
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"And you shall not covet your fellow's wife, you shall not desire your
fellow's house, his field, his slave, his maidservant, his ox, his donkey,
or anything that belongs to your fellow" (5:18)
Perhaps one of the hardest commandments to understand let alone fulfill
is Lo Sachmod, not to be jealous.
As Ibn Ezra asks (Shemos 20:14), how can the Torah command us not to feel an
emotion that comes naturally when someone has something that we would like
to have? When the neighbor redoes his house and builds a pool, how can a
person be expected not to want to have a pool as well?
Ibn Ezra answers this question through a parable.
Imagine a commoner who visits the royal palace. As he is viewing the
beautiful grounds, he sees the princess step outside in her royal garments.
Though struck by her beauty, does he think for a moment, I want to marry her?
Most people wouldn't entertain that thought for a second. They realize that
the king's daughter is out of their league. People desire something that
they can conceivably have, not something that is totally out of reach.
The same should hold true for someone else's possessions, says Ibn Ezra. We
should train ourselves to realize that since Hashem gave the pool to the
neighbor, it is something that He wants the neighbor to have, not us. As
such, it should not be within the realm of our desires.
The Ibn Ezra's approach has become the classical answer to this question,
but Rav Simchah Zissel Brodie derives another explanation from a Ramban.
The Ramban cites the following Midrash: The Ten Commandments are all
repeated in Parashas Kedoshim in some form or another. For instance, the
verse, "Ani Hashem Elokeichem" (Vayikra 19:3) corresponds to the first
commandment, and "Veilokei maseichah lo sa'asu lachem and molten gods
shall you not make for yourself" (ibid. v. 4) corresponds to the second
commandment.
The parallel to Lo Sachmod, says Ramban cryptically, is "Ve'ahavta
lerei'acha kamocha Love your fellow as yourself" (ibid. v. 18).
Rav Simchah Zissel explains the correlation between the two.
Did you ever hear a father or mother wish that their children would have
less material possessions just because they had less when they were at the
same stage in life? No. Parents are thrilled when their children have more
than they did. Why? Because they love their children as much as they love
themselves if not more so they are happy when their children can afford
anything they want.
If we would truly fulfill ve'ahavta lerei'acha kamocha and love every Jew as
we love ourselves, says Rav Simchah Zissel, we wouldn't feel jealous of them
for owning possessions that we cannot afford. We would be happy for them,
just as we are happy when our own children have more than we do.
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