KEEPING PACE
Rabbi Raymond Beyda
The human being is expected to grow intellectually and in maturity not
merely in size and weight like other creations such as plants and animals.
The character of a person should improve and refine with age like fine
wines. And so G-d planned the world in a way that would be conducive to
personal growth.
One of the built in training devices is called marriage. The Torah
describes a man's mate as --"ezer k'negdo"-- a helper corresponding
[opposite] to him. People are different one from another. Men are different
than women and the differences are more than just physical. In any
relationship one moves faster than the other. The trick to domestic
tranquility is not that one must necessarily slow down or speed up to move
exactly in sync with one's mate. The trick is really to learn how to react
to the difference in pace. One great Rabbi in Yerushalayim was always ready
to leave for a happy occasions before his wife was done getting dressed. In
most instances he kept busy with learning or some other important activity
while he waited for her to announce, "I am ready, let's go!" One time the
couple was invited to the wedding of one of the Rosh Yeshiva's student's.
The Rosh Yeshivah had a very pressing matter to attend to the same evening,
therefore he requested from his wife, "Tonight we must leave no later than
6 PM as I cannot stay past 8PM and I must show proper respect to the groom
and bride before I depart. Please be sure to be ready promptly at
6." Well, the well-intentioned wife tried her best but was not ready until
6:30. When she finally came to the door to leave the anxious Rosh Yeshivah
accepted her apology and gave her an admiring look as if to appreciate
every detail of her simple but dignified wedding suit. "Kedai", he said
--"It was worth the wait".
Today when you can't handle a delay caused by someone close to
you--especially your mate--stop. Don't blow up. Take a deep breath and
react with an understanding statement. It only takes a minute but it is
part of your growth process. A nuclear reaction only brings war while a
reasoned response will yield shelom bayit.
DID YOU KNOW THAT
When one recites the Keriyat Shema one must have in mind the meaning of the
words, and if one did not do so one must wait silently the amount of time
it takes to say the first paragraph, and then repeat the first sentence
again paying attention to the meaning of the words [one then continues to
read from V'Ahabta][. One is not allowed to signal, not even for a
misvah, even with one's eyes, while reading the Shema as it is a
distraction from reading with intent. There is a leniency to signal with
one's eyes in the second paragraph, but only for a misvah.
[Source Ben Ish Hai]
Text Copyright © 2003 Rabbi Raymond Beyda and Project Genesis, Inc.
