"WHO HAS NOT MADE ME A WOMAN"
SELECTED RESPONSES FROM OUR STUDENTS IN CYBERSPACE

Dear Mrs. Kohn,
It's not "who has not made me a woman," per se. I was wondering if you would address the idea of why both men and women don't say "who has made me according to Thy will"?

Meanwhile, frankly, in many siddurim (prayer books) the brocha (blessing) women say is set in teeny little type below the brocha men say. Say what you like about equality but not seeing in shul, not finding yourself on the page of the siddur, and gently being hustled away from the action all send a message. I want to take my girls to shul but I am hard-pressed to find one where they will see anything but a curtain, and this is not what will attract them.

Yes, there are separate tasks for men and women in Judaism and I'm not arguing with that part of it, but what do you think about both saying they are grateful to be as they are?

Thank you,
ELLEN

Dear Ellen: Thank you for participating in our "who has not made me a woman" discussion. You ask why don't both men and women recite, "who has made me according to His will." Since women already recite this, the question is essentially, why don't men do the same? The blessing men recite is supposed to express appreciation for their having been given more mitzvot than women. This idea is elaborated upon in our class, "Who Has Not Made Me a Woman" (9/12/00). If men were to recite, "Who has made me according to His will," the essence of the appreciation of having more mitzvot might not come through.

In response to your observation that in many prayer books the blessing a woman says is in very small type: It is clear that a modern woman who opens a prayer book and finds herself referred to in small print, if at all, would possibly feel left out at best and at worst the object of discrimination. In evaluating this experience, it is important to look at the issue of women's prayer, within a historical context. In previous generations, most women did not use the prayer book to pray. They prayed informally - in their own words - and our sages assign tremendous import to their utterances. One of the most famous examples is that of Chana in the ancient Temple. Her prayer and her depth in addressing G-d was picked up by our sages and used as the basis of many principles of today's formal prayer (See our class, "The Story of Chana: Prayer with a Purpose" 8/30/99).

Only in recent generations did women begin formally attending shul and praying from the prayer book in significant numbers. If you look at a more contemporary prayer book, such as the Artscroll siddur, you will see that the publishers have responded to this trend by enlarging the typeface of the woman's blessing.

I hope I have been helpful.
Best regards, Leah Kohn

To: lkohn@torah.org
While I read what you feel to be an interpretation of the prayer "Thank G-D you have not made me a woman," which rests well with you, I am still troubled by it. I am Conservadox......what keeps me from orthodoxy are issues such as this. Though it is relatively easy to come up with explanations to explain away what is apparently interpreted by many, many women as insulting, it does not alter the fact that the wording is inflammatory...
LAURIE

Dear Laurie:
Thank you for your articulate response to our "Who Has Not Made Me a Woman" class. I would like first to comment on your statement:
"Though it is relatively easy to come up with explanations to explain away what is apparently interpreted by many, many women as insulting, it does not alter the fact that the wording is inflammatory." I can understand how the modern woman might feel this way about how the blessing is phrased. In order to relate to the blessing, we need to apply a general principle, which is as follows: In Torah, we find many instances in which the phrasing of the text can be easily misunderstood. Our sages tell us that this ambiguity is ignored, inasmuch as Torah relies on our overall knowledge of its principles to keep us from drawing conclusions that are against the Torah way of thinking.The phrasing of the prayer book - written as it was by men who were Torah scholars and, in some instances, prophets - follows this tradition.

Here is an example. In the text of Genesis, we read how G-d states, "Let us make Man...(1:26)." In this phrase, the word "us" can be misinterpreted as referring to more than one creator or god. Commenting on this sentence, Rashi tells us: "Even though they [the angels] did not help Him in His creation [of man] and it is in place for skeptics to disagree [with the use of the plural "us"], Scripture does not shrink from teaching us the way of the world [proper conduct] and the trait of modesty that the mighty should consult with and seek permission from the lowly. But if Scripture had written: "I shall make man," we would not learn that He was speaking with His [Heavenly] court but to Himself. And the rebuttal to the heretics is written next to it [the following verse] 'and He created man' and it [Scripture] did not write "and they created." In essence, with "Let us make man," the Torah relies on our general knowledge of the existence of one G-d to keep us from skewing the meaning of its word "us". And we gain the additional lesson of learning that, in working with others, we should look to G-d's example when He consulted the angels as He created the world. That is, that we should always involve our subordinates when working on a project, whether at home, in the office or in community matters.

When the Men of the Great Assembly wrote, "Who Has Not Made Me a Woman," - choosing a negative style of phrasing - they embedded in these words an appreciation of mitzvot on the one hand and a feeling that there is, at the same time, a perpetual need to grow spiritually, as explained in the class entitled, "Who Has Not Made Me a Woman: An introductory essay on one of the most misunderstood topics in Judaism" (9/12/00). Even though our sages felt that other, potentially less favorable, interpretations might result, they assumed that the Torah at large makes self-evident a Jewish woman's status, and that taken within this context, "Who has not made me a woman" would speak its specific message effectively.

Thank you again for your time and for caring enough to enrich our email classroom through your contribution.
Best Regards,
Leah Kohn

To: Lkohn@Torah.org
Leah, I must commend you again for one of your scholarly explanations into a very touchy subject. I have studied this subject...I feel that you covered every angle and no other view is more plausible. You have been blessed as a Defense Attorney for the Torah.
Sincerely,
AMERICO

Dear Mrs. Kohn, This is a lovely essay. The writer is correct in her perception that context is everything. When people do not learn Judaism in the context of living and learning a Jewish life, the differences that Hashem assigns (to men and women) can indeed seem "discriminatory". That is because people view things through their own prism of perception and understanding, and not through Hashem's (not that we totally understand this either).

I am a ba'al teshuva (not observant from birth), who used to argue fervently with my "Orthodox" uncle regarding how I thought Judaism perceived women. For example, I railed against the unfairness of why women couldn't sit with men but had a separate place in Shul. I also bristled that women couldn't read the Torah. There are other examples. I am not very learned, but have come to understand that different roles and different tasks do not necessarily denote inferiority or superiority...
Thank you,
ROCHELLE

To: lkohn@torah.org, genesis@torah.org
Do you really believe that most orthodox and ultra-orthodox Jewish men understand this (blessing) the way you do? Most of the orthodox men I know see themselves as superior to women by virtue of their increased obligations as men - they believe that since they bring home the bacon, daven (pray) three times a day, and rigorously study, they are superior to women. I don't how you could possibly say that Jewish communal life, particularly in orthodox communities, reflects this view. Spousal abuse in ultra-orthodox communities is much higher than non-orthodox communities...
MICHAEL

Dear Michael:
Thank you for taking time to respond to "Who has not made me a woman." I am sorry that your picture of the observant community is so negative. This has not been my experience - and I have traveled and lived in many different Jewish communities throughout my life. I hope that your future encounters in the observant community will be positive and that they will demonstrate that the essence of Torah remains pure, in spite of the way it is sometimes misinterpreted in Jewish life.

Also, you wrote: "...spousal abuse in ultra-orthodox communities is much higher than non-orthodox communities..." I find this statement difficult to accept. While the problem of domestic abuse exists in the Jewish world, I would be interested in seeing the source or statistics that support this claim.
Best regards,
Leah Kohn

Dear Leah:
I have been confronted too (by those who believe Judaism accords women a lower status) and my answer is that (in Judaism)... the man has every morning to make the effort to realize how difficult life is for women, who have to suffer physical pain that men will never encounter. In the same way, these men must have emphathy towards others in the world who do not have what they do. We Jewish women are proud of what we are and claim it every morning (with the blessing, "Blessed are You...for having made me according to His will'). We have to remember that the tasks men have in Judaism are not easy. I am glad I am a woman.............these are personal reflections part of which made me choose to be orthodox........
NATANIA

To: lkohn@torah.org, genesis@torah.org
Question: why is the blessing not the same for both Men and Women thanking HaShem for making each of us according to His will? And if the level of mitzvot is the criteria why don't Cohanim not have an explicit blessing thanking HaShem for not making them a Yisrael?

Contrary to your experience I do find that the more to the 'right' (Jewish men) are, the more they belittle women. In the same breath they will praise their wife as an Eishes Chayil (a woman of valour), they will deny the intelligence and the ability for women to learn. They will not even allow women to "learn" Talmud. This is all nonsense going back to great Rabbaim of yesteryear. (I believe it was Rashi who thought women only had silly thoughts in their head.) Although these great Rabbaim were very wise and perhaps even progressive for the times they lived in, they were still influenced by the mores of their time. I believe that the Torah is eternal and that we do have different roles and in Judaism separate can be 'equal' in terms of value, HOWEVER, I am questioning NOT HaShem but the mere mortal rabbis who interpreted the words...one does not need to agree that all that was said by the m'forshim (sages and commentators) is irrefutable.
Sincerely,
SHARON

Dear Sharon:
Thank you for responding to our "who has not made me a woman" discussion. You ask why don't men and women both recite, "who has made me according to His will." Since women already recite this blessing, the question is, essentially, why don't men say the same? The blessing men recite is supposed to express appreciation for having been given more mitzvot than women. This idea is elaborated upon in, "Who Has Not Made Me a Woman: An introductory essay on one of the most misunderstood topics in Judaism" (9/12/00). If men were to recite, "Who has made me according to His will," the appreciation associated with having more mitzvot would not be adequately expressed.

You asked, "... if the level of mitzvot is the criteria why don't Cohanim have an explicit blessing thanking HaShem for not making them a Yisrael?" The answer is twofold. On a practical level a Cohen cannot say, "...for not making me a Yisrael," since one of the definitions of Yisrael is, "a Jew". By this token, a Cohen is a Yisrael, since they are each Jewish. Second, were a Cohen to recite the opposite - "thank you for making me a Cohen" - this might imply a sense of self-importance, rather than an appreciation of the challenges and responsibilities assigned to the Cohanim. (The argument is the same as the one set forth in our essay "Who Has Not Made Me a Woman.").

I would also like to respond to your sense that men to the "right" belittle their wives, preventing them even from learning Talmud. The fact that women in the observant community do not study Talmud does not indicate that their intellectual capabilities have been ignored. Many husbands in observant households have wives who successfully practice law, medicine, engage in business and the like - and who are also very knowledgeable about Judaism, even though they do not learn Talmud. In addition, the reason many Torah observant schools do not teach Talmud to women is that, since women are not obligated to study Talmud, this pursuit is not looked upon as a priority. Many areas of Jewish learning are every bit as intellectually challenging as Talmud, which is considered a specific part of Torah that helps a man forge a connection to G-d. Nonetheless, any woman who wishes to study Talmud may do so.

Finally, you wrote, " ...one does not need to agree that all that was said by the m'forshim (sages and commentators) is irrefutable." Here you express a basic principle of Torah study, which is to re-examine, re-analyze and re-clarify an idea or text. In the Talmud, when two sages disagree, they engage in this process of re-examination. If both of their opinions end up quoted in the Talmud, only one of these opinions is chosen for all generations to follow. (This choice is itself dictated and proscribed by Torah rules). Nonetheless, the second opinion also remains in the Talmud for all generations, for the purpose of reminding us that, although we follow one road, life is not black and white, but is instead a compilation of different perspectives. The existence of other Talmudic opinions, in addition to the one we follow, reflects this fact.

Thank you again for your thoughtful submission, Leah Kohn

To: Lkohn@Torah.org
Mrs. Kohn- I really enjoyed your essay on "who has not made me a woman". I used to work at a Jewish day school and this issue came up when establishing a format for shacarit davening (recitation of the morning prayers). Many parents were offended (by the different blessings recited by men and women) and wanted all the children, male and female, to say "who has made me according to Thy will." Eventually it was decided that kids could say the 3 "controversial" brachas to themselves in the way that they wanted.

Anyway, your essay helped clarify many things for me, but I still have a question: why don't we (women) thank HaShem for not makng us men? instead of thanking Him for making us according to His will? Is it b/c that would be like thanking him for requiring us to do fewer mitzvot? Just curious...
All the best,
Arlyn

Dear Arlyn:
In response to your question...yes, just that.
Best regards,
Leah Kohn

Women in Judaism, Copyright (c) 2000 by Mrs. Leah Kohn and ProjectGenesis, Inc.