As someone pointed out in response, the center of the Jewish community is
not the synagogue, but rather the home. However, it is important to note
why we have this miconception and general confusion as to the role of our
shuls.
Although we often live in Jewish areas, send our children to Jewish
schools, and shop in Jewish stores, the reality is: we live in a Christian
world. It's not Jewish out there, remember?
And what is the definition of a good Christian? One who is "Church-going".
And that is where our confusion begins...
When people find out that I'm a rabbi's wife, they immediately start
"confessing" and apologizing that they hardly ever go to shul. I reply, "I
hardly ever go, either." (Between babies, sick kids, snow, etc...sometimes
it's hard to get there. And even if I do, it's often just for the
kiddish.)
But the definition of a good Jew is NOT one who is "shul-going". It may
indeed help, but it's not the beginning and end. A good Jew is one who
strives to realize his or her potential through connecting to G-d and His
Torah. Shul can help, especially if it's the right shul. But we make a
big mistake if we say hi to G-d when we enter, and good-bye when we leave.
We're terrific on Yom Kippur in synagogue. We're fasting, praying, trying
to be good. But the test of that goodness is not on Yom Kippur. It's 3
weeks later, when we are in traffic, at work, in our homes, dealing with
people and life.
How you live out there in the world, how you treat others, and how you
develop an ongoing relationship with your Creator is what it's all about.
A woman doesn't have to be married to feel the power and awe of being close
to The Almighty or to really connect with her true self (as one reponder
implied). Each individual, man or woman, is created with unique and
special attributes, skills and talents.
Some are developed through more physical and public mitzvot (like tallis,
tefillin, aliyahs...), and others through more private and internal
expression. Our paths reflect the nature of who we are and how we were
created. (Let's not forget that man was created from dirt, and woman from
an internal part close to one's heart.)
May I suggest your daughter read, "To Be a Jewish Woman" by Lisa Aiken
(Jason Aronson Pub.)