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LifeCycle Events: Marriage and Sexuality: BESHERT:

Is a person's mate really destined (beshert)?

The Talmud (Moed Katan 18b; Sotah 2a) tells us that G-d personally chooses matches for people. A match that G-d has chosen is certainly "destined", even if it does not actually come about (for example, if the couple does not want to be a couple). The idea that matches are destined goes back to Genesis; Rivkah's behavior at the well demonstrated to Eliezer that "this is the woman whom G-d has appointed for my master's son" (Gen. 24:14,44).
In Yiddish, one's destined mate is called a "besherter" or "besherte". In German, "bescheren" sometimes means "to give" or "to bestow"; thus one's given portion is "beschert" (the -er or -e ending indicates that the thing being given is male or female). The Yiddish meaning of the word may also go beyond the original German meaning. In the Bible the word "ba-asher" (literally "in that") is used several times in phrases that imply destiny; two examples are in Ecclesiastes, "ba-asher hu sof kol ha-adam" (7:2: "as is every man's end") and "ba-asher devar melech shilton" (8:4: "as the King's word rules"). This Hebrew association may have reinforced the Yiddish meaning of "beshert" as "fated" or "destined".
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