Thank you for this well thought out description of marriage. It is so true that couples must have same or at least similar values to pursue together. It makes a "juicier" marriage when the precious endeavors shared together contribute to making a better world and a better life between the two partners. It also make for greater closeness to have a strong spiritual component the two can share and meaningful works that contribute to the society in which they reside.
Other vital aspects, I believe, are true dedication to that partner's life, well being and happiness, as much as to one's own, a listening ear and an open heart for each other. This provides a joint ability to make the world better for those the couple touches.
Again thank you for your thoughtful words. - B. H. -1/2-/2002
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It couldn't be better explained, it's so true that couples are crossing by hard times, mine is one of them, this very refreshing observation has enlighted my path, my wife and I are walking different paths, although we live "toghether" I want to run in the path I think is best, and she is already runing her path, and our family is stuck, and desolated. I thank HaShem for this light that I hope may help my marriage. - Y. P. -1/2-/2002
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Yeah, what's the solution? Does anybody have it? It's always about the solution. - D. K. -1/2-/2002
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I sure do enjoy the comments. I wonder if some people have a hard time with spouces for the same reason as I did. It wasn't long ago I wondered why my marriage wasn't what I expected it to be. Not that we went different directions because that wasn't the issue. I think the focus for me was just that (me). Instead of thinking what can I do to please my husband I kept thinking how I was slighted in this deal and wasn't getting what I thought I should out of it. My husband was just as loving as he always was. He didn't turn away at my conversations or need for attention. It was my thoughts. I accepted the lies of the evil one to dwell on. More than a short time. If the thought came of how my hubby was not coming though to meet my needs I reacted to it by being negitive. In all actuality it was my thinking that needed to be confessed as sin. Just because the enemy gives me a thought doesn't mean I have to accept it. I can reject it. My heart became bitter and cold toward him.
After 20 years of a great marriage this should not be so. Divorse was talked about even out in the open. Now I reject these thoughts and ask God's forgivness and mercy. It was not God's will for me to ponder these things.
My addvice is Look to yourself first and see if the enemy planted these things there. Divorse is not from God it is a trick from the enemy. Don't let him win. God shall be the victor.
Amen Amen and Amen -1/0-/2001
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This comment is directed towards N.W., who I think missed the whole point of the article. So the author isn't saying, "don't work and do nothing." Rather, don't make work become your identity. For example, if someone asked me what I do and I said, "I'm a doctor." Thats fine, but what would happen if I were fired the next day. Does my identity vanish? What do you do other than your career? How do you make yourself a better person? Do I learn torah? We have so little time during our lives and if you say 80 years is enough its not even close! There is so much more than just working, not that there is anything wrong with taking satisfaction if your job, just don't make it your existence and lose sight of the more important things in life. Like spending time with your kids and your wife and trying to become a better person and working on yourself. You sounded pretty bitter towards this article, maybe you should think long and hard about how you run your life, what do you do with your time away from work? Do you have time away from work? Good luck. - D. R. -1/0-/2001
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This article has certainly given me much to think about at a time when I find myself getting irritated by being the main earner, having to do all the gardening, ending up repainting the front doorstep and having to take over work on the allotment. When we married our common life goals were to do with international development, human rights (including religious freedom) and sustainable development. I believe they still are but my husband's path has taken him down a (party) political road whereas I, like so many British women (and men), have become totally cynical about (party) politics. Sometimes it feels as if our life-goals have diverged. It is good to have time to reflect and conclude that they haven't! -1/0-/2001
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I would definitely say this article represents a pure form of Wisdom. I am 60 now and recently got married. It is my life's goals to spend my remaining years with this woman and make her happy she married me. I know that making one's Love happy, warm, secure and feeling lucky to have married such a caring man she can rest easy entrusting her life to is one of the ingredients of one's own happiness. Money sufficient to achieving that is enough. Thank you for your words of wisdom. - D. B. -1/0-/2001
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I love this! Thank you for sending it to me. Theses articles make me feel good to read. - B. S. -1/0-/2001
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This was a very thought-provoking article. But my husband would like some tachless examples of valuable life goals deemed prudent from a Torah perspective. - K. B. -1/0-/2001
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These authors are just rehashing tired old myths about work and how "the west has been had" because we put a premium on careers. Work is good! It gives us money with which we can buy a higher level of health, safety, comfort, and power to do good. It is therapeutic and even the lowliest trade -- that of a janitor, for example -- offers more mental stimulation and social interaction, more sense of belonging and contributing, than NOT working. The authors get particularly tiresome when they whine that "only a fortunate few" can find work that's gratifying. Anyone who adopts that victim mentality -- while residing in history's most open, free, and opportunity-laden society -- is pathetic. They should be trucked back to 1500 (or how about 2001 in Afganistan?)to see what REAL limits feel like. And as for common goals being the glue that holds a marriage together -- that's fine -- but what SHOULD hold a marriage together is the VOW that the parties make to each other. The problem is, people who walk around feeling like victims -- supported by authors like these who uncritically reiterate myths -- usually can find plenty of excuses for why they can't keep promises. I don't believe God intends for either careers OR marriages to be 100% ecstatically happy. He expects us to commit to both, however, and to accept graciously that each will likely require (as my dad used to say) "95% perspiration in order to gain 5% satisfaction." - N. W. -1/0-/2001
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I have all that I want and need, and G_d has provided it! -1/0-/2001
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